STOP RUNNING THE RACE. THERE IS NO FINISH.

I’m pretty messed up today. So bear with me because what i say might not make sense. Do you know how it feels to not have done anything meaningful your entire life. scientifically speaking I've lived one twentieth of my life which if you see as a mathematical progression s half my memory life. Which means this is the duration within which i should have made significant memories, ones worth remembering. I have none. I've lived in places for years and might still get lost if dropped a few kilometers from home. I've spent 20 years doing just that. Mine is a very lonely world. Even books or music or anything others find comfort in, has shot right past me never once to stay. Being unattached to anything is painful. People say it's a gift. But i'm a living testimony of the fact it is a misfortune to not be attached to anything when surrounded by people who're full of that. Humans are very selfish beings. Perhaps it's an evolutionary trait built into them to ensure survival but why does evolution have to discriminate and spare me of it? Or am i hallucinating? Perhaps I am. I am probably too myopic to see how much of a jerk I am. But that uncertainty does tear me apart.

Everybody wants to reach the top. Everybody wants to be noticed. Everybody wants to be that 'one' face in the million recognized by the rest. Everybody wants to be successful Entrepreneurs and nobody wants to live someone else's dreams. I wonder how this is ever possible. Especially in a social construct designed to make fools of us all fueled by empty promises and hopes. I fail to see how such an economy can sustain itself if everyone in it were successful? Why is there so much attachment to things that are not us. Why is there so much consumerism. social construct is very powerful and the human mind the easiest to exploit. Fear I tell you is what fuels every single person on this planet. I'm in love with the Eastern philosophers who saw how such an economic model based on trade will always lead to a run down machine. Perhaps, all we really should have done is to realize the insignificance of our existence. If we were not attached to anything and would pursue our interests in the pure interest of pursuing them, trade will become unnecessary. We keep talking of progress and development and do everything in its name. Let me ask you. What for do we do what we do? Think about it, none of this has any goal. You'll eventually die and the universe will move on and the human race will one day come to an end and the universe would still move on. There really is no point to all our struggle. All of this is in the interest of evolution and primitive survival and just to feed the egoistic pursuits of a select few gluttons. But such an outcome was inevitable in a system that measures your success by peeping into your bank account and so no one is to be blamed. The rich get richer because that's what they've been asked and trained to do, they are the winners of the race and they had walked over the heads of billions to sit among that 1%. So why be mad at them for winning? Instead if we didn't run the race, we wouldn't have had to deal with the distaste of defeat. What is the purpose of life? life has no purpose, it has no villains, it has no challenges. Wants are for your ego and needs for survival. Imagine a world where we had just enough to feed our needs and had no wants. A few thousand years ago, it wasn't too hard. Our need to conquer has led us to our miserable present.

Now this is  bad news for me since I think this way, but am overly attached to people who beg to differ. And i'm suffocating between isolating myself from everyone and blossoming on my own. I don't know what to do but I'm still swimming not knowing where the tide is taking me. But the one thought that comforts me is,"Aren't we all?".

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We are what remains,

Of words not spoken,

Of roads not taken,

Of thoughts that lost direction,

Of dreams that lost action.

I recently had a train of thought while waiting for my train to arrive at the platform. The train was still almost half an hour away and I needed to kill some time. It has for me become a rather 'rare' habit as they call it these days to observe people around me. I tried to detach myself from where I stood into the shoes of those around me waking up into a chaotic world driven by confusion, anxiety, judgement, innocence and deceit. Joy and happiness were nowhere to be seen. I looked into the people's eyes for inspiration and all I got were hollow, empty stares of frustration and hurry. Their eyes had lost their shine, Everybody in a small little world of their own tamed by the lashes of modern civilisation. Everybody had a set destination and a bag full of expectations to keep it company. They marched on like the dance of the puppets into a future tinted with the illusion of certainty. Hundreds of people with millions of dreams. There were present children too who traded their curiosity for I-pads.  We are so attached to material aspects of life that the small things that bring true happiness are no longer of any value to us. We so very often take them for granted.

I scanned with great anticipation, my whereabouts hoping so desperately to find someone who would restore my faith in humanity. There were a few homeless malnourished children who had a thirst for curiosity in their eyes  but no means to feed it. Their ambitions and innocence slowly fading away into frustration and ignorance. I hope someday I'd be able to bring back their shine and give me company in gifting this nation with a new perspective. But at the very least my plan had worked and my train arrived at the station ready to carry the burden of the thousands of passengers riding on its shoulder. I waited for everyone to rush in through the doorway before it would be free for me to make an entrance. I met with my parents as planned for a trip to a temple in Karnataka called the Mookambika Devi Temple. Apart from the miracles it promises(because God never ceases to present miracles to the believers) , it certainly is a haven of immense energy to the receptive. It was a night train and me being tired was quick to slip away into deep sleep for a tiresome day lay ahead of me.  

Why do the lower working class still keep working when they really have no incentive to be doing so?, when there's no hope for improvement of their lifestyle? they live for the next generation not theirs. And so will the next generation live for the generation succeeding them. And so we live in a world that invests it's faith in the next generation and exhausts all their energy in building their idea of the next generation but all the while not doing anything to better themselves which ultimately becomes the one ironic flaw that leads to the collapse of the modern civilisation of today..
The whole of humanity is working for the prosperity of the few belonging to the upper class, a modern society breeding lifeless zombies working towards an illusive future of their own, one they believe would someday come true. The minds of people are psychotic, easily susseptable to chaos and exploitation. we continue to live in an illusion and the whips and chains of society hold us back from opening our eyes and becoming awake to the truth that's been knocking on our door all this while

I'm alone
I walk a path
That leads to nowhere
I look up into the sky
To the see the stars refuse to shine their light
On my road
So I fade away into the darkness
Leaving,no trail
For nobody to follow me
Into the darkness
My life is what the blind can see
The nothingness around me
Fills the void that has filled me
I want to cry
but the tears flow no more
Where are we all headed
What is god?
Is it a slaughter house for sheep like me
Lured away Into the darkness?
All we do in the name of civilisation
All we do in the name of survival
All we do in the name of duty
All we do In the name of wants
What for do we do all we do?
Where does it all end?
Death I guess is not the end of it all
But another beginning to realize how much we screwed things over
All for nothing
The demons,they're here
Hiding under my shadow
Slowly putting their arms around my shoulders
Slowly trying to win my soul over
The soul i've tried to keep lit
But alas the oil in my lamp has given way
As I follow myself
Into the dark
But once again I make the mistake
To assume this journey ends somewhere
But I think I'm wrong
I don't see anything
Not a sign
Not a sign of anyone
Not anything
The void is beginning to take life in me
My senses numb to all around me
I have journeyed into hell
There's no fire here
There's no pain here
There's no punishment
There's no Satan
There's no god
Just the merciless void
I need to tame

Maybe it's bad
Maybe it's good
Maybe it's just nothing at all
Maybe it's just being
The way it was supposed to be
No wants, no needs
Just being awake to the fact that you're alive.
Not puppeteered by the illusion of happiness or accomplishment
It's a lonely place here,
One I hope to find company in
will you join me in my journey
Will you,
Follow me into the dark?

The above is a Facebook conversation of one of the problems deeply engraved in every Indian student. Well atleast the ones who care. Thought it might be an interesting share. Education today has turned into a mere business aimed at profit making and teachers just pushing students off the cliff of graduation like mere burdens they are responsible for makes you question the whole corner stone on which the modern society rests so proudly upon. commerce doesn't serve us, the time has come where we serve commerce, where commerce has grown into an organism of it's own that's slowly taking us over and turning us into inanimate slaves. We are nurturing a sick world. You've got to hear George Carlin speak about this.
The American dream, slowly catching onto other nations as well...

Life goes on. So it is true that time and tide waits for none and us fools being shepherded by it. Enlightenment barricaded by the prisons of our minds, trading things we need for the things we want and alas the time has come for it's not enough to dream but is necessary to steal someone else's. But life goes on, time goes on.  Strange is the multitude of change sandwiched between just two birthdays. A frame of time that flew away with no distinct memories of anything special, a year of which you've lived just a week. Life is the number of moments you remember and not the number you live. And change an inevitable factor of progress. Time flies we say, but we dare not ask why it does so if we claim to move with it. well the harsh reality is that we're in constant denial of our procrastination. People change. Situations change. The mortal coils to which we are so vulnerably attached to, changes. But our souls remain the same. And it is this soul of ours that does not see the purpose behind man's chase of imaginary goals. It tries to wake the delusional self but our still primitive minds are on a completely different wavelength to comprehend this message. And when this communication is completely blocked and none of it seeps through into action, we break down, we seek external help, we devalue ourselves, we begin to slowly disintegrate so that someday this soul could once again be free but all along forgetting the fact that we were busy searching outside ourselves for the cracks that were so deeply engraved within. But life, moves on, it is not sensitive to your feelings, to stop by and wait for your conscience to tag along this indeterminate journey.  It simply moves on and you not able to move with it factors out as change. Thus change is what knocks on your door when you fail to move with time, when you seem to be stuck behind  others far ahead of you. But there's a loophole to escape this illusion of damage. Change is a result of relative progress. But if you remove the element of relativity, life is just being. If we erase the line that we compare ourselves to, then there exists no comparison, there is no more journeying into an indefinite future, no end point awaiting you. That is the point where you are fully and wholesomely liberated. No tides of time to sweep you off your feet. You are now the universe experiencing itself and you answer to no one, you are neither behind nor ahead of anyone, you are at the same time everything but also nothing, you're just being, pure being. That is the sense of true liberation, of complete independence, of complete freedom. Start here and form your own time line, be time itself and do not let change prey on you.

   We have a very relapsing affinity for order and hence tend to jump from one dot to another in a particular sequence certified by social convention thus imprisoning ourselves within the illusion that only those events exist which fall into the predetermined sequence of things the society has penned down for us. But that's as wrong as you can ever get. Once you separate yourself from social convention, there is no stopping you and you'll be dazed by the multitude of things one can do every single moment of their life. The only question being, which of them is worth your time. You will die. Everyone will die. The only question is did you live well. A person who did wouldn't complain that  life is short for he would have lived every moment of it and would have made memories worth dying for. We're on stranger tides now than we were when innocent little children, life can be confusing, don't let it turn into a rundown machine. Instead break free and embrace change as if your friend and let him walk with you because remember, We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.